Many many years ago I went to a Commodore Amiga scene party. My friends and I were setting up when I heard someone mention that a particular graphics artist well known in the scene was sitting at a nearby table. At the time I was an aspiring graphics artist myself and admired his work. I went over and introduced myself. I may have gone a little fanboy on him if I’m honest.
I returned to my friends and one asked “Who was the guy in the wheelchair you were talking to?”. I turned around and looked over and sure enough he was sitting in a wheelchair at his computer. I hadn’t even noticed. Not that it mattered. All I saw was talent and I wanted to meet the guy.
I recall this event now and again as it serves to remind me that the physical stuff doesn’t really matter. It’s all about who you are inside and what you can do with what you have.
Category: people
Road rage and wing mirrors
I enjoy driving. Especially out on country roads away from the major roads, towns and people. Lately though I’ve been encountering aggressive drivers. People driving angry, not realising that they are taking their anger out on other road users, using their vehicles to intimidate and cause accidents.
On one occasion a young lad tried overtaking me illegally but didn’t make the overtake and got real angry as if I had somehow slighted his manhood. He followed me home aggressively driving, mimicking trying to swerve into me or rear-end me to try to make me crash. I slowed but he refused to overtake. I had a forward-facing dash cam but not rear and I think he knew that.
He became really dangerous and the police became involved but it was my word against his as the police will do nothing without dash cam footage as proof. How have we got to the point where people can use their car as a weapon and unless you have video footage nothing will happen to them?
On another occasion an oncoming driver in my lane took out my wing mirror but it was night time and my dash cam only caught their headlights. I learned the hard way that in such circumstances insurance companies will claim against you. Even though it was not your fault, insurance companies need someone to claim against so they penalise you for making a claim. They will repair the damage but they will class it as a fault on your insurance history and will increase your future premiums.
It seems that the only way to combat these scenarios is to fit 360 degree dash cams with night-vision and anti-glare technology. Either that or take public transport.
Real friends vs acquaintances
I’ve been thinking a lot about friends recently. Thinking about the difference between real friends and acquaintances. A friend, to me, is someone you’ve hung out with, had beers or coffee with while discussing life for many hours over periods of time. people that you invite to parties etc. Whereas an acquaintance is someone you’ve met, maybe you worked with them, were introduced to them at a party, or just connected to them on LinkedIn after meeting them at a networking event, and have retained some form of connection.
I tend to keep in touch with both, otherwise you tend to lose contact and an acquaintance then becomes someone you knew, once, long ago.
I’ve been thinking more and more about the definition of a true friend, a real friend. It’s rare for us to have more than a handful of these, if any. My mother (and grandmother) used to say that if they didn’t make a regular effort to keep in touch with their ‘friends’ then they would lose touch altogether. But is that the definition of a friend? A true friend? If you are the one that has to do all the work to keep that connection alive, and if you stop you will never hear from them again, is that friendship, or just networking?
I realised that I had become the third generation in my family that carries out this process of ‘maintaining friends’. So I took a look at my list of ‘friends’ and wondered: if I did not reach out to any of them for a long period of time, would they even notice? How many would reach out to check if I was ok?
I’d already decided that I needed a digital detox for a while and decided to combine it with the following experiment: I would not contact anyone for 6 months and see what happens. I included literally every person I knew – family and friend – in this experiment.
My immediate family reached out in the first week of course. After a month three friends reached out to see if I was ok. Two more after about two months. Then one at about the four month mark, but only because they wanted something and not to see how I was. That was it. Five people out of about 600+ across my socials and contact list in 6 months.
I discussed the experiment with various people and I learned that a lot of them generally have an immediate circle of very close friends and family and everyone else is outside of that, and that they can be generally lazy in terms of keeping in touch with those outside, but that doesn’t mean they are any less of a friend despite no contact for a period of time, even years. It’s just that they don’t view friendships and contact in the same way that others might.
For me it was a useful exercise as it allowed me to re-focus my effort to be close friends with those that want to be in regular contact and will reach out if you drop off the grid for longer than usual. It doesn’t mean I’m now less of a friend to everyone else, they are just in a different circle. Let’s call them acquaintances.