Category: life

You don’t know until you ask

You don’t know until you ask. That was advice from my mother, and her mother. Yet I’m always afraid to ask. What if they say no? Well, that is always a possibility. It’s a 50-50 chance. Yes or no.

So I’ve started asking. You never know, right? And so far the odds have been good. It’s mostly a yes, or an ok if. The latter requiring something to get it to a yes. Never anything that is much effort. It’s rarely been a no.

So now I ask. Politely of course. As you never know until you ask.

Finding something to read

Finding something to read can be hard. If fiction, it has to entertain me, and within the first few chapters. After that I struggle. I’ll make it to maybe chapter 7, then I’ll bin the book. Well, give it to charity. For non-fiction if it doesn’t grip me in the first few chapters I’ll flick through it looking for any nuggets of wisdom. I may even skeed it. A personal blend of skim and speed reading. Skimming through the book speed reading the bits I find interesting, if any.

It’s a form of ADHD, but one born out of the modern world. A mixture of information overload and impatience. I am old enough now to have calculated how many books I can read in my remaining lifetime given my age and the available leisure time that I am happy to dedicate to reading. The number is not as high as I would like it to be, so I tend to be picky. If the book isn’t well written I’ll quickly move on. I donate a lot of books to charity.

I listen to podcasts while I multitask. If I hear a book recommendation that sounds interesting, I’ll make a note of it. Same goes for recommendations from friends, colleagues, TV, radio, and other literature. I have a reading wishlist and occasionally I’ll buy when the price is low. I never sell, I shelve or donate.

I used to have two or three books on the go, max. Never the same subject and only one fiction. Otherwise I’ll get literature crossover. At the time of writing I have eight books I’m reading. None are gripping. I’m either skeeding or taking forever to get through them. It started at three, but then I was bored and gave another from my to read pile a chance. It failed so I tried another, and another. Now there’s eight. At what point do you admit you have a problem?

I do love to read. But as I get older, finding something good to read gets harder.

Writing just for fun

I like writing just for fun.
This is practice for me.
I don’t profess to be a good writer.
I’m self taught.
It shows.
I’m not making any money doing this.
It’s a sort of digital therapy.
I’m writing just for fun.
And practice.
I didn’t do well in language and writing at school.
But I like words.
And I like reading.
Words can be calming.
When not angry words.
Words can help you make sense of things.
To understand something well, explain it to others.
With words.
Writing just for fun.

When to let something go

Something that you’ve built up over time. Nurtured, put your blood sweat and tears into it. You’re done all you can with it, and now others are ready to take it on, to run with it, to take it further.

Yet you are not sure you are quite ready to let it go. To let it be someone else’s baby, their project, not yours.

Is it safe to leave it in their hands? Will it thrive without you?

It’s hard to let something go that you’ve built up. That You’ve put so much of you into. But maybe it’s time to take a step back and see if it can survive without you. Something You’ve created, and put out into this world.

Knowing when it’s time to let something go.

There needing to be a purpose

I’ve been thinking about my need for there to be a purpose.

If I can’t see how something will help me in my career or goals in life then I keep putting it off, never doing it. Why? Why not do something just for the fun of it, or because you want to? Does there need to be a reason, a purpose, a part of a bigger plan?

You can just enjoy something because it’s fun. It makes you happy. No matter how temporary. There doesn’t need to be a purpose. You don’t have to have a reason that serves something bigger. It can just be this one thing that doesn’t improve your skills, up your experience level, gain you a certificate, or earn you a reward. You can do it just because you wanted to.

You don’t always need a purpose.

Having enough not to care

There’s something about having enough not to care.

What do I mean by that?

I mean having enough money, enough funds, that when problems occur that don’t cost enough to break the bank, your bank, that you don’t have to stress.

You can think: it’s only money. And not stress too much.

I can stress a lot about costs. Hidden charges, contractors bills, medical bills, lettings agents, bank charges, and so on. You begin to get anxious when the post arrives, or an email from that company. It may be nothing, but sometimes..

Having enough money not to care must be nice. Having just enough not to care.

Not putting the time in

There’s an old saying. Something about two voices in your head, each with different opinions on what you should be doing with your life. The one that is the loudest is the one you listen to the most. Or feed the most. I forget the exact expression.

My point is that it’s what you give your time to that grows the most. That includes your passions. Or perceived passions.

I talk a lot about what I enjoy, what I love to do. But when I think about how much time I’ve been putting in on these passions recently, I realise that it’s hardly any at all.

I have excuses, oh I can always come up with excuses. But the thing is, if I’m not putting the time in, they are not growing. And can they be true passions at all if I never do them?

It’s all about putting the time in.

Let them go

No matter how hard I try, some people won’t stay in touch.

You are best friends, colleagues, working together day after day. Having a laugh, talking about your families, interests, life. Having beers, making plans, for months, years.

Then a change occurs. Change of job, home, location. You don’t see each other that often or even at all. But you continue with the emails, texts, messages. Then they stop, fade out. No replies are forthcoming. What happened? No response.

You give it some time then try again. Nothing. Some more time. Still nothing.

Was it something you did or said? Something someone else said? You ruminate, you play out scenarios. Still nothing.

It’s sad but some connections are not forever and through no fault of your own they stop. That’s life. Save your energy for those that want to keep in touch, to be friends, to hear from you.

For the rest. Let them go.

People counting down to retirement

I’ve worked in many places and on a few occasions I’ve come across this phenomenon: people counting down to retirement.

The first time was during my university days. A neighbour gave me a lift one time as I was late for my bus. He told me how he was retiring in six months. He and his wife had been saving up for a long cruise and putting together a bucket list. About two weeks into his retirement he died of a brain aneurysm.

The second time was early on in my professional career. I met a guy who was divorced and was due to retire in two years time. He had a spreadsheet with all his plans on it. The main focus appeared to be planning a train set that would run throughout the entirety of his home. His planning was very detailed. That’s all he wanted to do after giving up work; to play with model trains all day long every day.

A year ago I was working with someone who even went as far as having a whiteboard above his desk with a large number written on it in marker pen. It was the number of working days until he retired. He would update it daily so all could see it as they walked by.

Today I find myself in a new role working alongside yet another counter. This time it’s a year and a half to go to their retirement. He’s planning everything he will do when he will no longer be working, right down to the smallest detail.

What I’ve learned from all these encounters is that these individuals do not love their work. They are always looking to the future. A future that is not guaranteed. If they get there it may not be all they imagined it would be.  

If you hate your work and dream of retirement, change your work. Enjoy the present as the future is not guaranteed.