Category: life

Some days I feel as if I am perpetually moving between problems. As I fix one another appears, then another, then another, with no end in sight.

Some days you feel like you are winning. But it’s a brief moment, for shortly after another problem arises.

There’s a saying: More money more problems. It’s related to ownership and responsibility. The more you own or are responsible for, the more chances there are of problems arising for you.

If you own a house then maintenance or insurance problems can occur. If you own another property that you rent out then you could have problems with tenants, lettings agents, contractors, or insurance. If you are employed you could experience employment-related problems. If you own a business you could have problems with employees, customers, suppliers, and so on. You get the idea. The more you own or are responsible for in life the greater the amount of problems you will have to deal with. Such is life.

Some days just feel like everything is going wrong. Sometimes it may feel like weeks of nothing but one bad thing after the next. Work, home life, the bits in-between. Nothing but bad.

To prevent every day being as bad as the last I like to do something that I refer to as balancing with good. Plan things you enjoy to balance out the bad things so every day doesn’t feel like a big weight on your shoulders, that you have something to look forward to. Even if it’s just watching your favourite TV show with your partner, or beers with a few friends, or just an hour or two alone with your favourite book. Balancing the bad with these pockets of good will help make each day feel a little less bad.

We exist between two certificates: birth and death certificates.

It sounds morbid. An oversimplification perhaps. But still true.

We are born, which is recorded, and we die, also recorded. Two certificates between which we live. Maybe we will acquire more certificates. From 500m swimming to professional qualifications. More records of our existence, and achievements.

If our moments were never captured on paper, did we exist? Did we matter? Will we be remembered, researched, noted. Did we count?

Living between two certificates.

Everyone has money problems. More money, more problems, right?

I tell myself it’s just a game. Life is just a game.

It will throw crap at you left, right, and center. All day long, every fricking day.

The trick is to just play the game. Earn a living, pay the bills, enjoy life as best as you are able.

I used to think that you must be able to reach a point where you have enough money not to care. To be financially secure enough that if a problem occurs, whatever it may be, that you can just pay your way through it.

But no. There are always problems that can cause stress, anxiety, even depression, no matter how much money you have.

So I continue to play the game of life and try not to stress about stuff. It’s only money. Mostly.

I grew up in a large town. There were a lot of people, buildings, vehicles, and light pollution. I worked in tech and worked at big corporations. I read Cyberpunk by Gibson, Sterling, Rucker et al. I used computers and gadgets daily.

Today I find myself in a city and I hate it.

I hate the noise, the people, the traffic, the hustle and bustle, and the light pollution.

It’s too much.

I miss the countryside. The quiet. The sound of the leaves on the breeze, the birds in the trees, the combine in the distance field. No light pollution, only stars as far as I can see.

I still love my tech. I have multiple gadgets on me at all times. I remain connected to the noise, but digitally, not in the analogue. It’s there when I need it. To identify a plant, plan a walk, or to sit down and type some thoughts.

I’m still a cyberpunk at heart, but one that hates the city.

Not off grid. On the edge. An edge runner.

I’m sitting here by an open sash window listening to the rain.

I booked a holiday let in a house built many centuries ago with the top two floors a luxury let above the high street of a historic market town. I have a glass of red wine in one hand and I’m listening to the pleasant sounds of the rain.

In my other hand I hold my mobile with the BBC weather app open. It proudly shows me that there is zero percent chance of rain at my current location. It’s wrong and I’m happy that it’s wrong.

This app is rarely right. I might as well consult the wise old elf from the Magic Kingdom for a weather forecast. He’ll be more right than this app. I don’t know why I haven’t uninstalled it. The amount of times it has predicted a good old storm with thunder and lightning, only for it to be clear skies with absolutely no activity. Oh the disappointment.

The cafe owner across the street starts to clear up as the last of her patrons head home. I hear a few merry people singing in the distance as I take another sip from my glass, the gentle cadence of the rain hitting the cobbles below is soothing. I put the phone away and toast the BBC weather app for being pleasantly wrong yet again as I listen to the rain that should not be.